Being too picky in dating, are You Too Picky When It Comes to Dating? - The Everygirl
When this happens, we can end up making assumptions about the other person and decisions about the future of the relationship based on limited and even incorrect information. It's good to know the basic things you want in a person. Acknowledging that the fear of getting hurt is the root of your pickiness is the first step to healing and moving on to a better guy! The stakes can definitely feel higher. Besides, repeatedly putting yourself out there can get really tiring.
You tend to predict the future. Don't compare dudes to fictional characters or wonder why things aren't happening like they would in a movie. Reach out to people you trust. You can't build your perfect boyfriend out of your imagination!
We each have a non-negotiable mental list of the things we look for in a partner or relationship. Okay, he might have insisted you pay separately for the first date, going against your belief that men should always pay for everything. Sometimes a spark takes a while to build before turning into a flame. Having unrealistic expectations can also take away from how good the date actually was. Alternatively, we might predictably decide to call it quits after one or two dates.
Rewrite criteria on your list to be less specific, all while staying true to what you truly desire. It might seem counterintuitive, but this kind of thinking can create pressure that actually makes us even pickier. Ask yourself what is most important to you and what you want out of the relationship.
Stop piling on the pressure. But you can't think that real-life relationships are going to be the same way because, guess what - Hollywood is fake! What about bigger life decisions, like what to do for work or where you want to live? So examine your priorities, deal-breakers and expectations.
What are the top things you would absolutely not be able to tolerate in a guy? Understandable deal-breakers are ones related to disagreement on moral issues, values, and how he treats you any kind of abuse, neglect, cheating, etc. You have trouble making decisions in general. If everything else was fine up until the moment he asked you to cover your part of the bill, ask yourself if you could overlook this imperfection. Believe it or not, thinking someone is out of your league can also be a kind of pickiness.
Are You Too Picky When It Comes to Dating? - The Everygirl
As much as you want to experience an enchanting love story right out of a romance novel, you have to have realistic expectations. What are the things you need from a relationship? But have you ever rejected someone you were attracted to who seemed really cool just because of one thing?
Limit the number of deal-breakers so that you can count them on one hand or two, max. The problem is that this can make us turn down potential partners when things might actually have worked out really well. Ideally, we want to turn to people who know us well, have our best interest at heart, and tend to share their opinions in a respectful way.
After all, the butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling eventually fades. What would make you happy?
If he seems like a decent guy, give him a chance before dismissing him over a lack of Fourth of July-worthy fireworks. Your wish list has nothing to do with your values.
Often, this comes from a place of insecurity. Do you have trouble deciding what to eat when you go out to restaurants? One small thing, like he forgot to call you back once or he wears stupid shoes?
At the end of the day, there are plenty of good reasons for being picky, like not wanting to take time away from other areas of your life. But I do have a few standards and, once, when I rejected a guy for not meeting them, a friend rolled her eyes and said I had to stop being so picky. Sometimes, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to suspend making decisions until the date is over so we can really focus on being present and giving the other person a fair chance. Not only can they tell us if they think we tend to be too picky overall, all the fish in the pond dating they can encourage us to give someone a second or even third chance.
All Campus Chapters
We each have our own pattern that we fall into when it comes to dating. It's when things get too specific that it becomes a problem. How can you stop pickiness from getting in the way? Re-evaluate your list of deal-breakers.
If his distaste for Game of Thrones is an immediate deal-breaker, you might need to re-examine your priorities. Dreaming about the future and the way dates might turn out is part of the fun and helps us stay motivated and optimistic. Nobody likes dealing with unsolicited advice or over-sharing. Push forward, one swipe at a time. Is it hard to settle on weekend plans?
Are You Too Picky When It Comes to Dating?
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